Can You See Your Strength During Your Toughest Moments?


What keeps you during the worst times of your life?  How do you continue on when faced with jaw dropping circumstances?  Is it prayer alone?  Is it prayer, reading and believing the Holy Scriptures?  Yes?  Perhaps it’s prayer, standing on God’s Word, and journalling?  I guess you are saying, “journalling?”  Yes, journalling!   If you don’t journal; just maybe you should.

Do you believe writing is therapeutic?  I certainly do.  It’s not only a means of releasing pinned up thoughts; but when you reread your writing, it shows you to you.  It shows you how you’ve grown, and where you are stagnant.  It exposes opportunities for improvement.  Your gifts shine through in your pouring out your heart through writing.   It enlightens you on your relationship with the Lord.  It’s great to see how the Lord has been with you and helping you in what you’ve gone through.  Especially when you’ve been in constant communication with the Lord.

My friends, this is not my normal style of posts.  But stay with me.  After much prayer, I’ve surrendered to the Lord’s leading to share my thoughts during my daughter’s final few weeks; before she entered eternity to be with the Lord.  It’s quite lengthy.  I won’t feel bad if you click off halfway through reading.  But, if you do, take a break, and please sign back in; pick it back up.  I’m inviting you to go on this journey with me to see how the Lord can strengthen YOU in the midst of trying times.

Here’s Part I:

Thoughts While Tamika was in ICU and After Her Transition on June 3, 2014.   (Feb 14, 2015, 6:40 am – Rename this writing – Mika Is Free??? or After Losing My Daughter: My New Normal???)img_1746

Wed May 15, 2014
– While sitting in this ICU room with my daughter fighting for her life. Tubes, monitors, ventilator, dialysis, etc., etc.; I say, “Lord I thank you for loving my daughter. Thank you Lord for what you are doing through her, in her and with her. Thank you for healing her body now.”
– I believe that God is going to heal Tamika. I just believe God. Lord please help her.
– I ache right now. But I yet believe God.
– Any time fear comes, the Holy Spirit helps me to cast it down.
– There is no room for doubt. Lord I just believe that Tamika will rise from this dire situation.
– As the nurses call out her numbers for giving her blood, I pray to The Lord to allow there to be excessive blood available with Tamika’s blood type.
– Lord touch the hands and minds of every nurse, doctor, therapist, technician and every one working on Tamika. Give them divine intervention to have best intentions for Tamika’s health and healing to manifest.
– I really do miss talking to Tamika. Lord please help her.

Quote by elevators: “The ultimate expression of generosity is not in giving of what you have, but in giving of who you are.” Johnnetta B. Cole

– I just came back from praying in the chapel. Tamika is very agitated due to needle in her neck. She’s squinting her eyes and frowning while tears are dropping.

– The nurse gave her a sedative instead of more pain meds because she just had pain meds. Lord please help my baby girl.

– Lord I’m

Friday, May 16, 2014
11:11 am

– While I sit in visitor lounge area waiting on doctor to change Tamika’s central line from groin to her wrist, I say “Thank you Jesus for all being well.”

– The spirits of torment and fear are trying to take my mind. But I rebuke them in the name of Jesus.

– I sit here praying to you Lord in the name of Jesus.

– The enemy is trying to place all kinds of possible bad scenarios and outcomes in my mind. But Lord I believe you are bringing Tamika through this 100% whole and she will go home to her husband and toddler. Thank you Jesus.Mila (Black and White Top)

June 12, 2014
9:08 am

– As I reread the above, I now know that The Lord was trying to prepare me for Tamika’s death. I remember thinking that the scripture “Thou shalt not die but live…” Kept coming to my mind. Then I thought of not dying is also involved with transitioning from this earth and living forever with Jesus. I just wouldn’t receive the preparation for me.

Monday, May 19, 2014
11:22 pm

– While I lay here in Tamika’s ICU room in the let out chair/bed. I just received a text asking how Tamika is doing. asking me to call. Don’t people know that I would call if I wanted to. When people are going through traumatic situations people need to respect their need to not talk. I don’t feel like talking right now. If it’s not James, Justin, Melvin, Bishop, Sis Sheard, Kierra, Kisha, Nikki, Loriel or Shawn, I really don’t want to talk to people about Tamika. I wish people would just text.

– Lord am I being rude and refractory?  Help me Lord.  My sis even gets on my nerves.

– Lord please help me.  Lord please heal Tamika.  Please Lord Jesus.  Please.

Tuesday, May 20, 2014
10:14 am

– As I sit on couch while Jordan lay at my feet watching Kung-Fu Panda, I thank God for text received by Renata K about Evg. R preaching on John 14:1-11. Believe God

– I hear The Lord telling my aching heart to not let your heart be troubled.

– It was hard to leave the hospital this morning. I didn’t want to leave my baby girl. She kept holding my hand even after I prayed and told her I loved her. Then when I told her I had to go get Jordan and that he is ok she nodded her head.

– Lord please, please, please heal my daughter and comfort her heart.

img_1111Lord please, please, please comfort my grand baby’s heart.  He said that he wants his mommy to come from the doctor.  I told him that mommy is still resting and that she loves him.  Lord please raise Tamika up.  Please Lord.  Please.

– Lord thank you for Renata K. She gave me scripture and a word from the message.  Most people will just say that you missed it and that Evg. R was good.  But you placed on Evg. K’s heart to share the Word with me.  We all can take note from Evg. K.  God bless her as she has her procedure today.  Bless her family.

Wed. May 21, 2014
10:22 am

– Came to hospital while Jordan is in school.

Thursday, May 22, 2014
8:44 am

– Sitting in chair in Tamika’s room. Have been here at hospital since 3:45 pm yesterday afternoon.

– Nurse is reading Tamika’s stats to plasma nurse.

– Tamika is awake listening.  She’s off ventilator for a few hours again today.  So far it’s been an hour and she’s doing well.  Praise God.

– Lord I thank you for allowing my daughter to wake up and be alert.

– Thank you Jesus.  I thank you dear God that we are seeing Tamika improve.

Saturday, May 24, 2014
8:08 am

– As I sit in Tamika’s ICU room, praying and thinking, I hear you saying to me Lord to Fret not thyself because of evil doers. It doesn’t matter who is used by the enemy.  Fret not.

– I just held Mika’s hand and told her not to give up. The doctor said that she will be off of the ventilator in one or two days.  Then she will be able to see Jordan.  She nodded her head, “Yes.”

– Lord, I just believe that you are going to heal Tamika. There are a lot of us bombarding Heaven on Tamika’s behalf.  And Lord I just believe that you hear us and that you are going to grant us this miracle. Thank you Jesus.

– Miracles do happen. Thank you Jesus.

– The nurse (Kelly) just told me that they are going to start feeding Tamika through feeding tube this morning.  They will have to sit her up some for that so it won’t sit in her lungs.  They are going to give her blood products today also around the clock. They are also going to do dialysis today.

10:57 am

– After sitting here praying to The Lord after negative report from one of the doctors, I hear The Lord saying, “I got this, Rochelle!”

– Copy of text sent to Bishop this morning after negative report from doctor.: Hi Bishop. Sorry to bother so early. Doctor just came in and said Tamika’s liver is functioning minimally n that 2 places declined transplant n even though other doctor is still trying to find someone, she wants us to not count on any accepting Tamika because of Sickle Cell n kidneys. Tamika heard doctor n is crying. I believe God despite of negative report. Plz pray. Thank u.

– I just keep hearing: Rochelle The Lord says “I got this!”

– Thank you Jesus!  My boast is in The Lord Thank you Jesus

– Now Faith Rochelle is the substance of things hoped for. The evidence of things not seen.

– Thank you Jesus!

– Thank you Jesus!

11:49 am
– I hear The Lord saying to me to not forget that He is with me too in this storm.  And yes I am in a storm.

– Rochelle remember that God is with you too. You’ve been praying for Tamika, Jordan, James, Justin, Melvin and everyone else until you are forgetting that The Lord is with you too Rochelle.  Don’t forget that The Lord is with you too.

– Oh Lord. Please bring my daughter through this 100% healed.

Monday, May 26, 2014
6:48 am

– Sitting in visitor lounge saying. Thank you Jesus. Tamika’s hemoglobin is 7.9

– Last night it was 4.9 or 5.??? The doctor said her organs were shutting down and he didn’t think she would survive the night.

– But she’s still alive. Praise God.

– Thank you Jesus.  Lord let her organs reverse for the better.

– Thank you Jesus.

10:58 am

– Sitting in Tamika’s room as nurses change her and give her suppository; I pray Lord that you heal Tamika 100%.

– Thank you Jesus. She’s still alive. Thank you Jesus.

Tuesday, May 27, 2014
7:15 am

– As I sit here in the visitor’s lounge while James is in room talking to Tamika, I say, “Thank you Jesus.”
imageLast night Tamika told us to put her in hospice. She was adamant and wouldn’t bulge. Then she changed her mind after her brothers talked to her. She said she’s tired.  But this morning she wrote, “I will fight to the end, it’s up to The Lord.” Praise God

– Lord I thank you that Tamika has a will to live.

– Early yesterday evening the question came to my mind. What all is encompassed in our telling God Yes? What’s the magnitude of what we have to go through in our “Yes?”

8:34 am

– Lord is it time to let go of some of the assignments that I have in ministry?

– I really feel like I need a sabbatical from ministry to evaluate my purpose and genuine assignment from you dear Lord.

– This feeling has been here for quite some time now. But now that I am inundated with praying for Tamika, Jordan, James, Justin and Melvin; this feeling of laying aside weights has really bombarded me.

Lord what are the weights in my life?

– It is time to determine and decide what really is important?

– Some things, situations, problems, and even people have become so small and trivial (or as Justin would say, “petty”) to me.

Wed. May 28, 2014
4:02 pm

– What is faith?  Does faith necessarily have to mean that God told you specifics?  Or could it entail you believing and just knowing that God is going to answer your prayers.

– It doesn’t matter what the doctors report, if it’s not positive.

Thursday, May 29, 2014
6:48 pm

– Here in Mika’s room since 4:20 pm.

– Mika is asleep. I am sitting in chair waiting on nurse to get the dialysis machine fixed and up and running.

– Lord please help my daughter. Heal her body.  No weapon formed against her shall be able to prosper.

– I read M’s page and felt sadness about what was written.  Lord help all young men and women to find their way in life. Lord help my children. Lord please help me. Amen.

Friday, May 30, 2014
6:44 am

– As I sit here in Tamika’s room, I say, “Thank you Lord for Tamika being able to tell me with her hands what she wants.”

– She just asked me to fix her pad under her buttocks. It was gross. But I am so glad that my daughter is alive.

– They are supposed to take her off of the ventilator this morning. Lord please let Tamika breathe on her own. Please Lord. Lord I thank you that Tamika will be able to breathe on her own. Thank you Jesus. Lord I praise your Holy name. Thank you Jesus. Thank you Lord.

– Yesterday Tamika was very despondent and not responding to us much.  But this morning she is telling me what she wants.

– Lord let the dialysis machine and port work in the name of Jesus.  That machine is starting to act up again this morning.  I plead the blood of Jesus over it in the name of Jesus.

– No weapon formed against Tamika shall prosper in the name of Jesus.  She shall be able to breathe on her own this morning.  In the name of Jesus.  Lord please help.  Lord you are already here in the room.  Please intervene on Tamika’s behalf.

– I hear The Lord saying to me to read where John the Baptist’s father could not speak for some days. Read Rochelle and let the Word of God speak to you concerning when someone cannot speak.

– Lord it is a blessing that you are still speaking to me in the midst of these crisis situations and in the midst of my having thoughts of quitting ministry.  Thank you Lord for reminding me that I cannot quit what you have placed inside of me.

– But maybe you are redirecting how I do ministry.  Maybe you are giving me a new focus.

– Sitting here watching my daughter go through and praying in every situation helps me to realize that I need to spend more quality time with you Lord. I need to stop and listen to you to hear your voice.  I need to write again.

– Thank you Jesus for the dialysis machine working.

7:37 am

– Praise God.  Mika is able to lift her legs up and to let her bed up and down.  She is gaining strength and able to think.  Thank you Jesus for all types of progress and victories.

– Thank you Lord for bringing back this dream.  Last night I dreamed Tamika won a marathon race. Praise God.  She was so happy.  imageShe said, “Mama, I WON!”  She Wins.  But at the end of the dream there was a room that she went into where people were dancing and celebrating.  Light was there as you enter like a big dance floor. And on the other side where the people were sitting it was dim.  I looked for Tamika through the glass; but didn’t see her at first glance.  But I didn’t see all of the people.  Not total darkness but dark/dim.  I didn’t go inside to go over there for being too shy to go in and walk that way.  But when I think about that room this morning, I hear The Lord saying that those who won and those who lost were all inside on the other side of the door.  Some were in the light dancing and talking joyously together. Those on the other side inside that place were all sitting together in a dark gloomy place.  I could clearly see some of  those in the light place dancing, etc.  But I didn’t see Tamika. I couldn’t see all of those in the gloomy place, and I thought of going in to see if I could find Tamika.  But I didn’t. …….It wasn’t the shyness that kept me from going in joining those in a gloomy place.  But it was The Lord. He allowed my shyness to stop me from joining depression. And I have to help my daughter celebrate her victories despite of the gloominess of the illness. She still wins.

Monday. June 23, 2014
5:19 pm

– As I reread the above, I hear The Lord telling me that He was trying to tell me that Mika will win; however I would not see her anymore on this earth. And that I was not to walk into a place of gloom and uncertainty.

My friends, thank you for joining me in Part I of this tryin journey.  Here are some questions.  “Can you see your strength during your toughest moments?  Does your hope in the Lord increase or wane during hard times?  Can you still trust in God, even though things didn’t turn out the way you wanted?  Do you see the Lord working in your life in the midst of everything you go through?”  …Thank you again.  I love you dearly.  We’ll talk soon



Originally posted 2016-11-21 16:28:10.

Comments: 2

  1. WOW!! You have really gone through it with your daughter. Your belief & trust in our Lord is really a blessing! I am a very ill person and have a lot of health issues right now. I know God Answers prayers. Sometimes when I ask him please take away the pain and nothing happens, I don’t understand, but I praise God Anyway. You went through the worst thing that I can imagine and thats losing a child, your daughter. I don’t know how I could ever live through that. I am a mother of five children and I can’t imagine being in your shoes. God Bless You My Dear! Please know that your Tamika is smiling down on you and she is an angel on her sons shoulder everyday! God Bless You. Julie Hanft

    • Rochelle L. says:

      Thank you Julie. To God be the glory. My prayers are with you. God Bless!!

Leave a Reply