“Day 40: How Do You Remember God’s Personal Promises?”
Today is the first day of my 40-day count down to remember God’s promises to me. This is a journey birthed out of my conversation with a precious young lady. She strategically used her ability to ask compelling questions to get me to talk. And it worked.
At the end of this journey; I plan to have remembered some things God promised me. I’ve forgotten them; due to the trials and tribulations I experienced. Right now, I’m waiting to see if I can remember. But first, some layers must be peeled back
My friends, you may not relate. But come and take this walk with me anyway. Hopefully, as I draw nearer to God; and see Him remove the camouflage; I’ll discover promises. Yes, come on; you just might do some uncovering of your own.
Let’s do this…..
Have you ever had a phone conversation with someone dear to you; and they drew tears out of you? Then they challenged you; so you can get better? The uniqueness is that it doesn’t matter the person’s age. Especially when it is someone very dear to your heart; and who you occasionally talk to.
That’s what happened earlier this week during a phone conversation with Ki. We initially started talking about ministry. But as we neared the end of our discussion; the conversation took a turn. Ki asked me a set of question that drew water.
She said, “So Aunty, how are you doing? I quietly said, “I’m ok Ki.” Then she kept going; and quietly, but authoritatively stated, “You’ve gone through so much; and I want to know how YOU are? I’ve known you for a long time now. I remember when you had that purple mini van. Your voice was different then. Now over the years, I’ve noticed your voice is getting lighter and lighter. Aunty, are you tired?”
Her words took me back almost twenty years; when I had that mini van. Ki was 10 or 11 years old. That was a time when I would pile children in my van to go on church outings. Sometimes it was my three; or five, if you include my sister’s two children; plus a few more. Other times it was the entire crew. Mika, Justin, Melvin, Loriel, Valente, DLynn, Ki, Drew, Kisha, Junior, Tora, Tiara; and sometimes, Brooks. Those children saw us go through a lot. Yet they didn’t see everything.
Now that I think about it; Ki’s questions to me were born out of her personal experience. She knew of our many moves; living with family; and our living in Extended Stay. She saw Mika in the hospital fighting Sickle Cell Anemia pain crises over the years. She was there when I would take the youth of the church to Cedar Pointe; and I’d tell off the prejudice attendants who treated those children bad.
Ki was there for Mika, Justin and Melvin when I lay in the hospital in a coma from having a brain aneurysm. She watched me as I learned to walk without a cane; yet not being able to return to work. She saw me deal with my son’s troubles. She was there during the tortuous process of watching Mika suffer and die. She was there watching from afar when my extremely loud sister, Angie died. She sat in my hospital room and talked to me last year after I had a mini stroke. Though she saw a lot over the years; it was only a fraction of what God brought us through.
But what struck me is that Ki noticed how my soft voice has decreased to almost a whisper over the years. Now that’s very observant. Most people wouldn’t key in on the volume of someone’s voice. Maybe, it’s because of her singing career. She has an ear for pitch and volume.
Here comes the water….
She uttered again, “Aunty you’ve been through so much. Are you okay?” I cried and said, “Ki I’m tired.” Then, as I continued to cry, I talked of how my oldest brother was killed when I was twenty years old. My mother ran when I was twenty-six. Then I cried and said, “Ki, even though I’m grown, I feel like an orphan. My entire immediate family who I grew up with in our household is gone. My mother; my dad; both my brothers; and now my sister; they are all gone. Some people still have their siblings; even if their parents are gone. Others have their parents. But mines are all gone.” She said, “Aunty, you’re lonely?” I said, “Yes. It’s a lonely place.”
I kept crying and said, “I’m not feeling sorry for myself. I’m just tired of the pain. It’s too much. I was getting better. But when Angie died last year, it all piled up on me again.”
I continued with, “I know God’s Word is full of His promises. But you know, when people say that God’s gonna fulfill His promise to you; I can’t even remember anything God personally promised me. I’m just tired; and sometimes I want to just go be with Jesus. But don’t get me wrong. I’m not going to commit suicide I’ve been through too much hell on earth, to die and go to hell. I want to see Jesus. And Ki, don’t worry. I’m not getting ready to walk away from God, or go smoke a joint or get drunk.” She chuckled.
The set up for the challenge…
We talked some more, then Ki asked, “Aunty are you still writing on your blog,” I told her that I haven’t been writing as regularly as before. May was a hard month. May 2nd was the day of my mama’s death. May 3rd, Angie’s death. May 5th or 8th, Mika went into the hospital to never come out; and died June 3rd. I’m dealing with grief and writer’s block.
Then after Ki made some needed suggestions, she gave me a challenge. She said, “Aunty, you can write about, ’40 days of how you feel. You’re waiting to see if you can remember your promises. So you can peel back the layers” That sparked something in me. The last time I had to think about peeling back layers was in one of my classes while studying for the Masters of Divinity.” I told Ki. “Okay,” to some of her request that we’re not going to mention at this time. And, “Yes,” to write 40 days.
Actually, I’m looking forward to the recall. I plan on “Springing beyond these walls.”
So my friends, let me ask some questions. “If it were you in this place; what would you need to do in 40 days to remember God’s promises? What layers need to be peeled off? Would you look forward to the discovery?”
Again, take this journey with me. Let’s do a 40 day countdown. Let’s call it, “How Do You Remember God’s Personal Promises?” Today is Day 40.
Thank you for joining me today. Hopefully we will talk tomorrow.