Is A Big Deal Really A Big Deal?


Have you ever had a pressing dilemma that you talked to someone about; and they brushed off your words, and said, “It’s not that serious?”  Or perhaps you were super excited about something new happening in your life, and the person you told shrugged it off with a, “So what?”  How did their dismissal of your urgent matter make you feel?  What was your reaction?  Did their response calm you down or irritate you?

Did their deeming what you felt as major as trivial cause you to undermine and question your maturity level?  Why?  Did you subconsciously hear the words, “It’s not a big deal,” and it angered you? Why?  The real question is, “If someone says the phrase, “It’s not a big deal” to you, and it triggers offensive feelings; why?

Your perspective to others’ views or intent can drive your reactions.

imageSome people use the phrase, “It’s not a big deal,” in conversations as a way to diminish your ideas as unimportant so that they can feel superior.  Yet, they really struggle with low self-esteem.  Others have a self-exalting attitude towards themselves.  They actually believe that they out rank you in value, intelligence, class or life period.  So why does it bother you?  Do you agree with their opinion of you, or with their take on your thoughts?  Or is it that you see their lack of understanding of the fact that they really do lack understanding?  Do you want to tell them about themselves so bad that it hurts?

Perhaps, your enlightenment of someone’s faulty conjectures sparks your reaction.  Have you ever been in the middle of explaining a process to a team and one person interrupted you with, “It’s not that big of a deal?”  Then you paused and said, “Okay, so you tell me what each person is responsible for?”  Their silence, look of befuddlement, or scattered answer showed their cluelessness to what you were discussing?  Did you develop a churning in your stomach?  Or did you feel relief to prove their idiotic act to them?  Whatever your response was; their view and your need to retaliate drove your not-so-nice comeback. 

Trains of thought vary. Or simply put:  “Big deals are in the eyes of the beholder.”

I believe when you look at what you consider as a big deal negatively, that’s when the problem arises.  For instance, you might be on a self-improvement mission, and you’ve decided to stop being so serious about EVERYTHING.  Each time you lighten up is a big deal to you.  But if you view the process as a burden, that’s when the tendency to say, “What’s the big deal,” comes in.  Your attitude in the journey to enhance yourself gauges its’ importance to you; or lack thereof.  In other words, my friends, it’s up to you to hold your idea up or relegate it to the category of insignificance.

…I asked my twenty-nine year old son, Justin the question, “Is a big deal really a big deal?”  He immediately said, “Yes!  Everything is a big deal, because I’m a big deal.  God’s a big deal; and because I was made in the image of God; that makes me a big deal.”  …His response was a surprise to me. I expected him to say, “No!” But he had a totally different train of thought.

When I was a child, I had a way of meticulously seeing more possibilities (good or bad) in situations.  I would often ask, “But what about this, or what about that?”  My constant questions would often drive my mother into frenzies.  She often said, “Rochelle you’re making a mountain out of a molehill.”  ..Or if we brought it to today’s vernacular; my cousin Belinda calls it, being a drama queen.  But, think about it.  My childhood inquisitiveness was my big deal; and someone else’s opinion didn’t shut it down.  After all, a molehill is small to a mole; but it is a mountain to an ant.

On the other hand, are you the type who take things out of context and over react to the most minute situations?  Do you make things seem larger and escalate them out of proportion to a place where they don’t belong?  In this case, the molehill has become the mountain. But instead of judging you, it is a caring person’s responsibility to help you to understand.

My friends, think about it.  What’s your big deal?  Could your big deal actually be an inflated small situation, even though it’s important?  Could your big deal be someone else’s petty?  Could your small thing be someone else’s big deal?  

Some sixteen years ago when I started coordinating and speaking in women’s leadership conferences; the first conference, in my opinion, was a total flop.  The Sunday after the conference, my Pastor said, “Rochelle how did it go?”  I responded in an embarrassed tone, “Pastor, it was only sixty-five women there.”   imageMy pastor said, “That’s a good amount.”  …His answer completely took me aback.  I thought that by him having the experience of ministering in front of hundreds and thousands; my mere sixty-five were peanuts.  I didn’t think it was a big deal.  But he saw something great in what I minimized.  That was my first of many lessons on humility and appreciating the blessings in diverse big deals.  The enemy had stolen my excitement in beginning a new walk towards destiny.  He had overshadowed the big deal with seeds of pride, and unfortunately, I bought right into it.  But that was then!  This is now!  Don’t let pride or anything come in and stop you from being thankful for the “new” in your life.

Why do we or don’t we see big deals?

My cousin Belinda and I were in conversation about this subject the other day.  She brought up an interesting thought on the topic.  She said, “It’s the small foxes that destroy the vine.  That’s why we have to give up non forgiveness and bitterness.  All unrighteousness is sin.”  It’s a big deal to give up the small things that hinder us.  There are so many things that we can lay aside so that we will have a clear view of big deals.

Sometimes we get caught up in the guilt of past mistakes, and we refuse to see the big deal in getting things right.  Perhaps you decided to get serious about your life; get a steady job, seek a career, put things in place to start a business, plan to find a spouse (or be found), and set financial goals for your future at an age that others feel is late.  Someone who doesn’t understand your grind, and your joy of a new determination might say, “It’s about time.”  They may or may not have a point.  But don’t let their dark-colored glasses stop you from seeing your bright big deal.  Perhaps struggle stayed with you for your entire life; and you’re just figuring things out. image Buying a used car is a big deal to you.  But others who’ve had multiple cars hinder your excitement.  Enrolling in college is a big deal to you.  But others who have degrees chuckle at your glee.  Don’t let that cloud your vision.  See your big deal.


My friends, don’t slash your big deal.  Allow yourself the freedom to let your big deal be your big deal.  Keep striving until you get your new car; earn your degree; launch your new website; write your book; change your career; lose weight; buy a house; or launch your business.  If you have a new job and snap multiple pictures daily to share with others, keep snapping.  If you have been single seemingly forever, and you’re now in a promising relationship; keep smiling and praying.  If you are excited about new ministry opportunities; keep openly praising God.  Free yourself from the knife wounds in the form of discouraging words that others jab at you.  And on the flip side, allow yourself to see the big deal in the huge and small successes of others.

My friends, thank you for joining me today as we, “…Bloom! …Expand!  …Discover!   and…Experience!”  I’ll leave you with this scripture from 1 Thessalonians 5:18, “In everything give thanks, for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.”  (KJV)   My last question today, “Is a big deal really a big deal?”  Join me in conversation.  I’d love to read your thoughts on this topic.  We’ll talk soon.






Originally posted 2016-04-29 00:28:57.

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