Originally posted 2022-05-30 11:06:43.
Hi!
This post might strike you as a bit accusatory, but that is not the intent. It is straight from the heart of those who talk, love, listen and read.
If you fit into one of the scenarios given below, and you become angry, shake it off. Keep reading! You might find yourself as the initiator or the recipient in similar situations. I related to both. However, you might or might not be able to relate at all. But keep reading. This post is to answer the question, “How does rejection help you?”
First, let us look at change.
Change is not always easy. Change comes with discomfort. Change even hurts at times. But, when we adjust ourselves in the unfamiliarity of change, we find pockets of joy and peace. When we open up our hearts to God in the midst of change, through prayer we realize how we have grown spiritually and have progressed mentally. Praise God!
Here are scenarios that cut…..
Let us start with me. The greatest change I ever experienced was when my daughter, Mika died in 2014. The pain was excruciating. Life as I new it changed for me in so many ways, until the experience is indescribable. But, what helped me to forge through the pain was my responsibility in helping my sons, nurturing my grandson, helping my son-in-law, and having conversations with my cousins. God used my being there for my family as a way to help me heal. Thank you Lord!
It was more than family for some. It was good to know that those who were not blood relatives whom my daughter loved also loved me dearly. It was also wonderful to talk to those I had known for years whom I thought were my friends. I was so happy to see or talk to those whom my family considered as extended family. It made my heart glad to talk to them all. But suddenly, things changed. I realized that happiness is based upon situations and emotions, and that joy happens beyond situations. Joy takes precedence over happiness. Joy comes from the Lord.
Over the years, as I lived through and shedded my pain, God afforded me the opportunity to talk to many women. Though they all had not lost a child or a sibling, their stories caught my attention. They had experiences that were similar to mines, yet unique and worthy of intercession to God on their behalf’s. Our conversations were one of the ways God orchestrated my healing.
Rather than divulge the names of the ladies of whom I had conversations with, this writing will use one name, “Cynthia.” This name reminds me of a cousin who passed away years ago whom I loved dearly. When I think of my cousin Cynthia, a smile comes. She was the epitome of grace, uniqueness, beauty, complexity, perseverance, humility, and freedom. In this writing, the name, “Cynthia” represents the diverse ladies from whom insight was gleaned. Take this journey with us, and see if you can relate.
One-by-one, those whom Cynthia thought were close, periodically dropped out of her space. First, it was the one who Cynthia thought was her sister/friend whom she had known for years. Two deaths within two years occurred in Cynthia’s family, and her sister/friend called or face-timed daily to laugh and talk.
Cynthia had her own life. She was not needy or showing her grief. She thought her sister/friend was concerned. But Cynthia was mistaken.
Her sister/friend stopped calling without giving a reason. She stopped including Cynthia on lists in Facebook posts she shared. She acted as if Cynthia did not exist. She even came to town once without Cynthia knowing she was in town. The night before she was scheduled to go home, she made sure that Cynthia knew she had been in town for weeks. Cynthia took that as a direct attack. Did it hurt? Yes! But Cynthia got through it.
Another scenario was when someone stayed in touch because Cynthia was helping her for months. When Cynthia could no longer help, the phone calls became next to never. Did it hurt? Certainly! But Cynthia moved on.
Then, there was the one who contacted Cynthia simply as an avenue to see what Cynthia’s son was doing. Cynthia considered this person to be like family. But, when Cynthia’s periodic texts did not get answered, she realized the big chop had taken place. Did it hurt? Yes it did! But the Lord helped Cynthia to move on.
Another hit happened when someone Cynthia respected, showed their undercover animosity. The Lord gave Cynthia clarity through prayer and a conversation with one of Cynthia’s cousins who lives in another state. Did it hurt? It did. But the Lord helped Cynthia to understand the person’s intimidation and insecurities. That outlook decimated the seeds of bitterness that had encumbered upon Cynthia’s heart, and replaced them with prayer and love.
Wow! I totally relate to Cynthia’s four scenarios. They remind me of similar situations I have experienced. My heart goes out to every woman who is Cynthia. Now it is time to share something that has been on my heart.
This one is definitely mines!
A major jab for me was when I began to be treated like a total stranger by someone I consider as family. This person sat on my porch almost every day for months and expressed their heartache. I hid my tears to let this person just get it out and talk through their pain. But as the years passed, subliminal behavior towards me as of a stranger sprouted, increased, and is now full bloomed. That punched me.
I understood that our season was over. We both had to heal separately. Yet, when my new stranger exhibited irritation with my love of serving God and Jesus Christ, it took the pain to a new place. Was I hurt? Certainly! But God gave me an understanding of the cause of the alienation. So, I pray for that person daily and lean upon God’s gift of strength as I move on.
The five scenarios above involved change AND rejection.
Change from what? Change from being accustomed to certain people being a part of your life. There is an empty space in your routine where they no longer occupy. When people who were once instrumental in your village leave through actual death or the death of a relationship, grief comes. Feelings of rejection comes. Change AND rejection often cause a need to adjust to living with the void that follows you morning, noon and night.
How do you fill the empty space that people who left your life once occupied? How do you adjust to the change? How do you overcome the feelings of rejection?
It may or may not be intended rejection, but it sure feels like rejection.
You know how we cry when a loved one passes away. Some of us scream, “WHY DID YOU LEAVE ME?” That sentence resonates in one’s psyche when a loved one dies, AND when relationships are severed. Even if you are the one who walked away, the pain could still hurt like the pain of a bandage being ripped off.
So what is behind that pain? It is a spirit of rejection? We all will deal with some form of rejection in our lives. Because rejection hurts, and people are different, everyone handles rejection in a variety of ways. The rejection could be the result of a loved one leaving, a friend turning their back on you or a job or mortgage application being denied. The rejection could be from a, “I want to get to know you” gesture being ignored, a marriage proposal being turned down or a lack of acceptance in a group, etc.
Even though rejection often hurts, experiencing rejection can help you. Here are ways:
- You dodged a bullet. You did not see the misery and calamity attached to the person who walked away.
- You gained strength and overcame the pain of rejection as you increased your faith in God.
- You realized that you were walking in idolatry. It took rejection, anger and tears for you to gain a much needed epiphany. You repented to God, and now freedom fills your space.
- You grew closer to God by praying through the aloneness, and allowing the Word of God to be your hiding place.
- You accepted what God allowed by realizing that God controls everything.
- Your spirit of discernment sharpened as you heard the Spirit of the Lord explain to you what is pure, what dwells behind masks, and the intents of people’s hearts.
- You understand people more. Naivety no longer guides you.
- You heard the Holy Spirit answer the “why.” You understand the difficult places some people are in, and why they have to distance themselves to maintain peace in their spaces.
- You gained motivation to improve in areas of your life that were hindrances to you.
- When the mortgage companies rejected your applications, you set out to improve your credit score. Oh what a wonderful sense of accomplishment.
- You discovered the root cause of your feelings of rejection, and rebuked that stronghold in the name of Jesus.
- You now love who you are, you accept your imperfections and your wonderful attributes. You love being with just you and you love your journey of becoming the best you.
Scriptures to help you see that you are not alone in experiencing rejection:
“If the world hate you, ye know that it hated me before it hated you.” John 15:18 KJV
“When my father and my mother forsake me, Then the LORD will take me up.” Psalm 27:10 KJV
“He is despised and rejected of men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief: and we hid as it were our faces from him; he was despised, and we esteemed him not.” Isaiah 53:3 KJV
“He came unto his own, and his own received him not.” John 1:11 KJV
“But this cometh to pass, that the word might be fulfilled that is written in their law, They hated me without a cause.” John 15:25 KJV
“Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour:” 1 Peter 5:8 KJV
Scriptures to give you comfort and strength when rejection is persistently dwelling in your space:
“The righteous cry, and the LORD heareth, And delivereth them out of all their troubles. The LORD is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart; And saveth such as be of a contrite spirit. Many are the afflictions of the righteous: But the LORD delivereth him out of them all. He keepeth all his bones: Not one of them is broken.” Psalm 34:17-20 KJV
“Now the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that ye may abound in hope, through the power of the Holy Ghost.” Romans 15:13 KJV
“Delight thyself also in the LORD; And he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.” Psalm 37:4 KJV
“Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour:” 1 Peter 5:8 KJV
My friend, the question remains. “How does rejection help YOU?” Think about it!
Thank you for joining me today. Let me know your thoughts. We will talk with you soon.
Blessings!
Rochelle 🌹
